From 'The Approach"
Everyone sizes up everyone that meet in a split second. While themost open-minded and enlightened people let their views of othersevolve, everything we see gets factored into decision making.
If you're having problems with a negative stereotype about you, theproblem is that that stereotype is providing more information aboutyou than any other source.
Now the real deal - what if you're the "wrong" type for whateveryou want to do? What if you're applying for a job in a racistcountry, what if you're shorter than everyone around you in a placethat values height, what if you don't have the same "pedigree" thatis expected of someone to enter a certain social circle?
The key is - overdomination.Traits that dominate get consideration first, and then other traitsare looked at. Traits that OVERDOMINATE are traits that make you forget about theother characteristics of the person. The other traits becomeirrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.
Power.
Power is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a verypowerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is goingto respect Samuel L. Jackson.
Charisma.
Charisma is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a verycharismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of himis. Even though he's only 5'6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.In the last month, I've had a mix of very interesting clients. Onewas a gentleman who was truly insightful - he's a world traveller,a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He's got wildstories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and hetalks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to tryingto rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammedtwice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity - helearned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars.He'll make more money, and if he doesn't, money won't be an issue.A renaissance man, if you will, that is knowledgeable about historyand art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.Oh yeah, and he's a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that'saverage height and with a so-so physique.It's the last thing you notice - when he's on, he combines powerand charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If youmet him, you'd like him.
I hear men worry about their height, race, nationality, accent,age, and all sorts of other traits frequently.I'll tell you when you're in trouble - when the first thing someonenotices about you is that you're short, or that you're young, orthat you're a particular race. That happens to people who have nocharacteristics more interesting than those traits.Now, those traits will still stereotype you to people as a "secondimpression" if you get some traits that dominate them. Forinstance, looking "corporate" will get noticed before yourethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but you'll get all thestereotypes about being corporate (doesn't care about theenvironment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremelygood in bed) before you get the ones about your race.And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventuallyyou come to stand for an idea, and an ideal.
One of the mostsuccessful clients I've ever had the blessing to teach was anextremely successful professional who, without a college degree,moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked hisway up the chain in the construction industry until he's now makingpiles of money.He's a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothesaren't extremely high end, either - he usually wears Levi's. But he's "got it" - characteristics that overdominate.
Power.
Leadership.
Charm.
"Gets shit done".
These characteristics can be built over time. A good place to startis with your nonverbals - right now, we're going to work on it.From behind your monitor, indulge me for five minutes.Push your shoulders as far back as you can, so that they're eventense.Push your chest as far out as you can.Suck your stomach in.Tilt your head upwards - your chin should be slightly aboveparallel to the ground.Now take a deep breath... hold it......now exhale, and let your muscles relax and be not tense.
Keepyour shoulders "back and broad", your chest pushed out, stomach in,and head up.(The to remember this quickly and fix your bodylanguage in anightclub is to go through this order -Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe - which stands for shouldersback and broad, chest out, stomach in, head up, breathe)
When you make eye contact with people, look from your right eye totheir right eye, or to the bridge of their nose which makes youlook like you're looking into both their eyes simultaneously.
When you walk, go S-Squared as instructor Morgan puts it.S-Squared: Smooth and Slow. All your actions should be smooth andslow, which entains thinking about everything before you do it. Bethe observed, not the observer.That's the start of developing some "power" about you. If your first impression is excellent and unique, your "secondimpression" - the stuff you can't change - becomes less important.And when you seem extremely powerful to random people who meet you,or extremely charming, completely stylish, or like an amazingleader - then secondary characteristics about you won't even factor.
Everyone sizes up everyone that meet in a split second. While themost open-minded and enlightened people let their views of othersevolve, everything we see gets factored into decision making.
If you're having problems with a negative stereotype about you, theproblem is that that stereotype is providing more information aboutyou than any other source.
Now the real deal - what if you're the "wrong" type for whateveryou want to do? What if you're applying for a job in a racistcountry, what if you're shorter than everyone around you in a placethat values height, what if you don't have the same "pedigree" thatis expected of someone to enter a certain social circle?
The key is - overdomination.Traits that dominate get consideration first, and then other traitsare looked at. Traits that OVERDOMINATE are traits that make you forget about theother characteristics of the person. The other traits becomeirrelevant in light of such a large, dominating trait.
Power.
Power is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a verypowerful guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of him is.You see powerful men of all types. Even an ardent racist is goingto respect Samuel L. Jackson.
Charisma.
Charisma is a classical overdominating trait. If you see a verycharismatic guy, it makes largely irrelevant what the rest of himis. Even though he's only 5'6, Tom Cruise absolutely glows.In the last month, I've had a mix of very interesting clients. Onewas a gentleman who was truly insightful - he's a world traveller,a scholar, enlightened and brilliant and charming. He's got wildstories of his travels through North America and the Orient, and hetalks with rapture about dangerous attempts of criminals to tryingto rob or extort him. He laughs at the time that he got scammedtwice in the same night, and laughs with a sense of dignity - helearned the lesson, and the anecdote was worth the few dollars.He'll make more money, and if he doesn't, money won't be an issue.A renaissance man, if you will, that is knowledgeable about historyand art but dresses in sharp, tailored high fashion.Oh yeah, and he's a medium-built Chinese-Canadian guy that'saverage height and with a so-so physique.It's the last thing you notice - when he's on, he combines powerand charm, and they overdominate his other characteristics. If youmet him, you'd like him.
I hear men worry about their height, race, nationality, accent,age, and all sorts of other traits frequently.I'll tell you when you're in trouble - when the first thing someonenotices about you is that you're short, or that you're young, orthat you're a particular race. That happens to people who have nocharacteristics more interesting than those traits.Now, those traits will still stereotype you to people as a "secondimpression" if you get some traits that dominate them. Forinstance, looking "corporate" will get noticed before yourethnicity. Your race will still be factored, but you'll get all thestereotypes about being corporate (doesn't care about theenvironment, really damn busy, resents poor people, is extremelygood in bed) before you get the ones about your race.And if you really put yourself together extremely well, eventuallyyou come to stand for an idea, and an ideal.
One of the mostsuccessful clients I've ever had the blessing to teach was anextremely successful professional who, without a college degree,moved through various entrepreneurial endeavors and then worked hisway up the chain in the construction industry until he's now makingpiles of money.He's a short guy, with an unexceptional physique. His clothesaren't extremely high end, either - he usually wears Levi's. But he's "got it" - characteristics that overdominate.
Power.
Leadership.
Charm.
"Gets shit done".
These characteristics can be built over time. A good place to startis with your nonverbals - right now, we're going to work on it.From behind your monitor, indulge me for five minutes.Push your shoulders as far back as you can, so that they're eventense.Push your chest as far out as you can.Suck your stomach in.Tilt your head upwards - your chin should be slightly aboveparallel to the ground.Now take a deep breath... hold it......now exhale, and let your muscles relax and be not tense.
Keepyour shoulders "back and broad", your chest pushed out, stomach in,and head up.(The to remember this quickly and fix your bodylanguage in anightclub is to go through this order -Back and broad, out, in, up, breathe - which stands for shouldersback and broad, chest out, stomach in, head up, breathe)
When you make eye contact with people, look from your right eye totheir right eye, or to the bridge of their nose which makes youlook like you're looking into both their eyes simultaneously.
When you walk, go S-Squared as instructor Morgan puts it.S-Squared: Smooth and Slow. All your actions should be smooth andslow, which entains thinking about everything before you do it. Bethe observed, not the observer.That's the start of developing some "power" about you. If your first impression is excellent and unique, your "secondimpression" - the stuff you can't change - becomes less important.And when you seem extremely powerful to random people who meet you,or extremely charming, completely stylish, or like an amazingleader - then secondary characteristics about you won't even factor.
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